


Divine Knowledge

by casey_sms (shinygreenwords), shinygreenwords



Category: The Social Network
Genre: Crack, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-11
Updated: 2012-01-11
Packaged: 2017-10-29 08:52:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/318011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/casey_sms, https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinygreenwords/pseuds/shinygreenwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one in which Chris is a Sex God.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Divine Knowledge

**Author's Note:**

> C'mon, who hasn’t typed Christ instead of Chris? I unearthed an old twitter conversation between [](princewardoprofile)[**princewardo**](princewardo) and I and then this happened.
> 
> For the [winter tsn-a-thon](http://tsn-a-thon2.tumblr.com/): Team Parker.

"Oh Christ, Christ yes!" Dustin wails, jerking his hips and bouncing like he’s an energizer bunny.

"My name is CHRIS," Chris hisses, trying not to feel offended enough that he’ll have to stop and point out to Dustin just how many _groups_ of people he’s just offended. But Dustin clenches around him and he can't help but come. Because it is pretty divine.

Then Dustin collapses on top of Chris and he's heavy and he's panting "oh god oh god, I'm not a virgin anymore" like he's worried that it's all just a dream. Chris rolls his eyes but he supposes that there are worse things to be than a Sex God. He totally just moved mountains with his seed.

“You rocked my world, Chris,” Dustin says looking up at Chris like he’s performed some sort of miracle instead of deflowering his best friend.

“I just fucked you,” Chris says gently, trying not to preen because he is good but probably not that good. Or maybe he’s just unlocked a new level of awesome. It’s hard to judge how good you are when you always hit it right there. You just can’t rate perfection.

Dustin sits up and winces, “Do you have to make it sound so…vulgar? Geez Chris, we had a great moment, okay? Why can’t you let me remember it as a mind-blowing, breathtakingly passionate act of heavenly procreation like you’re an angel plucking at my harp strings in the celestial cumulonimbus folds?” He looks heartbroken, his swollen bottom lip sticking out.

“Dustin,” Chris begins, finding it hard to find the right words just as Dustin starts laughing. He sounds like a hyena.

“You are a horrible person!” Chris says, whacking Dustin on the arm before moving in to tickle him mercilessly.

“Ow Chris, ah, ah oh! Okay! Stop! Mercy!” Dustin says, gasping for breath as Chris’s hands finds his sides, poking at the soft flesh blow his ribs. “I’m begging for mercy! Please! I confess!” Chris stops but he holds his fingers up, wiggling them menacingly. “I’ve been practicing that line for a while!” Then more quietly, “But I did mean it when I said you rocked my world and I really, really want to do that again.”

"Amen to that," Chris says and snuggles next to Dustin, pleased when he gets to be the big spoon. Chris smothers a giggle in Dustin’s shoulder as Dustin starts snoring.

*

“WARDO! YES, OH YES, HARDER, RIGHT THERE WARDO, CHRIST, SO GOOD!” screams Mark from his office. “WARDO!”

The interns keep typing, all of them wired in. Apparently, Sean trained them really well.

Chris sighs, putting his head in his hands. “You would think that Mark’s office is soundproof,” he mutters. He’s glad he invested in blinds for Mark. "I don't know if I should be jealous or amused that he calls Wardo the same thing you call me in bed,” Chris says to Dustin who is wired in.

"Christ does love and forgive everyone," Dustin says chirpily. "That and having sex with you was practically a college rite of passage. Let's have a Chris celebration party and share the love.” Dustin pulls his headphones off and grabs Chris’s hand, tugging insistently. “C’mon, we can definitely be louder. If we hurry, we can join round two."


End file.
